The Cheat and The Sneak Dig the Interweb

2 cats go on an unamusing adventure for the benefit of themselves.

Friday, September 22, 2006

holy nuts! what happened to us?
all kinds of crazy motherfucking shit has happened to us, while i, the cheat, managed to stay calm the entire time. goddamn it is so hard to be as beautiful as i am especially when being put through all of these cat-trials and cat-tribulations. but now i am in this new place with HEATED MOTHERFUCKING FLOORS. sorry about all the profanity, the cats at shadowlands were some dark motherfuckers and you had to keep up if you wanted to keep your nuts. well, your metaphorical nuts. since i don't have any. anyway, this place is big, and awesome, and even thought it's populated by people who either abandoned me or tried to molest me while i was living in achewood (i still see the claw scars on his arm though), i can't ask for anything more.


hello, what's this? an open window?....

Friday, August 04, 2006

After many trials and tribulations (just ask Vanessa and her roommates) the Sneak was found, caputured and with much pathetic mewling, brought to my home. She was a little surprised to find herself in a new pad and the Cheat was none too thrilled to see her (there was much hissing to be done you see.)


The Sneak immediately took to my bedroom and even surprised us by hanging out ON the bed, rather than just under it.



In fact, she seems quite taken with the bedroom and even likes to crawl all over poor unsuspecting sleeping people with unprotected *ahem* balls.

On Thursday, whenever she ventured out from under the bed, the Cheat would immediately hide under the sofa. It was a sad state of affairs for a while there. Anytime the Sneak would come around to ask for attention, the Cheat would hiss at her and hide.




As you can see, the Cheat no longer hides from me, which is quite nice really. But, he still prefers Jeff's lap to mine, no matter how many times I pick him up and place him on me, he invariably goes and lays on him. I guess he likes muscular over mushy. I think he's a fool. I've also discovered these great cat treats called Greenies that are good for teeth and very low calorie. I figure the Cheat's teeth can use it.





By Friday morning, the cats no longer hissed (much) at each other and BOTH ventured out from under their respective furniture of choice to scope out the bathroom situation. You see, both are LOVING the we food and HATING on the dry food. It's all science diet, so I can't figure out what to do. They don't get enough wet to sustain themselves, so they gotta eat some of the dry stuff (not that I EVER see the Sneak eat--while the Cheat loves companionship over a meal, the Sneak is the opposite).

Of course, this truce between kitties, as well as people and kitties is short-lived. Tomorrow is vet day.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Look at those happy pictures of the Cheat. I miss him already and he's still living in my house. I never see him anymore cause whenever I come home, he hides under the bed or sits as far away from me as possible in the living room and if I approach, he heads for the bed. It's as if he knows he has 2 other doctor appointments ahead of him. I don't know exactly what they did to him, but I suspect the car ride and the visit have traumatized him enough that he will never be happy with me again. At least he still seems to like Jeff so I do get to see the Cheat when he tries to charm wet food out of Jeff. It's been 3 days already, you'd think his tiny brain would adjust. Hopefully, he will like me again and then pictures will follow.

Friday, July 21, 2006

I forgot to mention, much of my day is spent chillin' on the laps and getting pets. You may think it's all action all the time with the chasing and catchin, but really, it's all chill 'round here.



A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE CHEAT: So the girl convinced me that even though I don't care for writing in this blog, maybe I'd be more willing to PHOTO journal in this blog. So, here is a little rendition of a day in the life of me. Of course, as the girl and her flashing contraption are out most of the day, all we have are the evening hours together.


In case you didn't already know, this is my tail.





This is me, laying on the floor outside the bathroom, contemplating my next move.















This is me, completing my move.













This is me attacking shit on the sofa. Sometimes it's a good time, and sometimes I just get pissed off. The girl can never tell which is which and often just annoys me.


















This is me, waiting for dinner.









This is me, tracking some important shit in the air. It's so crazy you don't even want to know.



















More tracking of stuff in the air.











Aha, almost in my grasp.



















Captured and on the floor.














We tussle for a bit.
Always me with the upper hand.

Until the game is done and I make off with it!

Monday, July 17, 2006


In case there were any doubts over how cute the Cheat is or over the fact that he owns the place, here is a little photographic evidence. Lucky for us, one of Jeff's friends, who is a professional cat sitter, will continue to ensure the Cheat remains this fluffy and pleased with himself (and annoyed at me for my damn flash photography) while we are out of town the last weekend in July. I worry a little about reintroducing the Cheat to the Sneak and vice versa in my tiny apartment (then again, I'm a worry-wart). But, it's only for two weeks and poor Jeff will be stuck taking care of them AND taking them to the vet for the last time in the US before their trip, as I will be off on adventures of my own. Maybe his cat sitting friend will be willing to lend a hand on that vet trip too.

The Cheat seems to be settling in nicely. In fact, he is so settled in he has no interest in journaling in his blog (takes after his parents it seems). He went on to complain that it's retarded that I don't have internet access in my home and that he has to either a. paw write his entry so that I can type it in or b. go to the business center downstairs and type it on some public computer himself. Both options strike him as retarded and he ain't interested. As you can tell, despite settling in, the Cheat has NOT stopped talking. Must take after me.

The Cheat enjoys sitting on the arm of my sofa and doesn't mind the green towel we have placed on it. Maybe cause it reminds him of home (they once belonged to his parents). He also likes to sit on another green towel right by the sliding glass doors in order to watch the cars, seagulls, and whatever other minutea that strikes his fancy. He especially likes it when the screen is up and he can get a nice SF breeze on his face.

I suspect he also likes to lay on the sofa itself when we're gone as is revealed by all the hair.


Jeff tells me that when cats walk with their tails straight up in the air, it belies a sense of ownership. Although he scorns his nest, I suspect the Cheat feels he will always own the bathroom.
As you can see from the smug expression on his face, the Cheat has conquered the bedroom. Yes, he is now allowed in and even sleeps there when we are not home. Now there are no surfaces on which black pants may rest. But, we don't mind as he likes to sleep by our feet and isn't too noisy at night.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Weekend with the Cheat was pretty sweet all told. Sorry, no pics to share, but here is the run-down. Friday night I got home and hung with the Cheat in the bathroom. It was a good time and when Jeff got home we formulated a strategy to wash him. I took two large mixing bowls--one with warm water and shampoo all premixed and sudsy, another with warm, clean water for rinsing. Then Jeff sat in the tub with a towel drapped across his lap. I picked up the Cheat, placed him on Jeff's lap and slowly drizzled the soapy water. We sudsed him up and he seemed to like it. So far, so good. Then it came time for the rinsing. He seemed to be doing well, until about 1/3 through the bowl. Then the mewling began. By the last 2/3 the mewling got DESPERATE. Poor the Cheat. He did not like the bath one bit and by the time we were done, he was definitely not trusting us. I tried drying him with a towel, then brushing a bit, but he was still too damp and we left him to calm down and sulk in his nest. Eventually he dried himself off and I went back for a visit.

After about 15 minutes, I opened the door of the bathroom and continued to sit on the floor. He noticed the change immediately and walked up to the door. The minute he stepped across the threshold, the mewling started and didn't STOP. He wandered around the apartment all chatty and nervous and telling us all about how he was doing. At some points it bordered on desperate, but he seemed to manage. After a few hours we went to bed and locked him out of the bedroom (as I couldn't tell if I was getting over my allergy to him, it seemed safe to sleep cat free) which resulted in more mewling. Poor guy. Jeff and I had to keep completely quiet cause he KNEW we were in there and had taken to putting his mouth right by the bottom of the door and mewling most plaintively. Just when I couldn't take it anymore, he stopped crying.

Saturday we left him on his own most of the day and came back in the evening, to find him hiding under the sofa (as you suspected he would Joe). I called him out and he spent the rest of the evening alternately chatting, playing with a toy we got him, and napping on our laps. It was a good time. Sunday we stayed home all day with him and he was LOVING it. We cuddled on the sofa quite a bit, but sometime he was on the wide arm-rest, when he needed privacy, under the sofa, and when he wanted sweet pets, on a lap. His favorite position seems to be between the two cushions on his back, paws in the air, legs akimbo, belly revealed. He lets me pet his tummy, but he's not so into Jeff doing it. But, last night when I was breaking down boxes, he leaped on Jeff's lap and sprawled on it for a good hour+, so I'm sure he likes us both, just differently.

Sunday night we locked the Cheat out of the bedroom again, to much mewling. He did quiet down once he heard sex noises, but then started up again for a bit when we got silent. I seem to be over my allergy to him, but I can't quite decide if I want to let him sleep with us. Rather, I can't tell if Jeff is OK with it, cause I don't mind having the fluffy lumpkin wander all over me at night.

Friday, July 07, 2006

In the toilet, Day 2. Well, day two hasn't been too bad all told. The time I am alone in here is dead dull, so I cry in the hopes someone is around, or I knock shit over. Other wise it's fairly uneventful.

The one nice thing about the room is my cosy nest here. Check me chillin' in this awesome bed.





Check out how I can completely stretch out and even knead the cold round box:





When the girl comes home, things get a bit better. She's got a comfy lap and she knows her way around a brush, so that helps. Of course, she keeps popping in and out of the bathroom to get crap--like her book, her phone, her other phone. As if I'm not entertaining enough? Look, all I got in here is a litter box, some food and my nest, deal.
After hanging out for a bit, with the girl, I decided it was time to use the box. She kept hanging around even though I kept emphatically telling her to leave. Then, when I'd done my business, she was so pleased she rushed to store the stuff in the box next to my bed. Humans are so weird. At least the room didn't stink too much once it was in the box. She even went so far as to pull a fat tick off me and put IT in the box TOO. Weirdo. But, like I said, good with the brush and the neck scratches.

Later the boy came home and together they put some crap on my neck that STANK. Phew, it was nasty. Then they tried to be all nicey and thought they were tricking me with pets as the kept grabbing at my paws. Finally, I decided to stop being coy and just let them trim my nails. After all that, they took off. I called to them and complained about being left along while they made all sorts of nasty noises outside the door, but to no avail. So, I just chilled.

After a while, they came back. The girl took a nasty rain in the big white box I don't even want to contemplate--the thing was making the most horrid noises, so I hid behind the boy for a bit. Then he took off, then she took off. And then everything got real quiet outside. I got a little freaked out and started calling to them. Finally the boy came, did some business at the sink, tossed some string in the box next to my food, and then took off again. I was cool for a bit, figuring he'd bed back. When he didn't come back, I started hollering and didn't stop all night long. This morning the girl came around again and I kept telling her how shitty it is when she's not here, but that didn't make her stay. Sigh.

I have to admit, I'm not that keen to leave the toilet, even though it's small and dead dull in here. They keep opening the door and all I can do is look out--I don't even want to try and get out in case it sucks worse out there. I think they should just sit on the floor here with me and be done with it. And none of this towering over me, moving around the room shit either.